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I want to give you the truth about motherhood. Well, at least my truth. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. There are “hallelujah” days. There are “WTF” days. Here are some things you MUST know about this journey:

1. You will cry. 
2. You will feel like you’re not a good mom. 
3. You will question why you decided to have kids.
4. You will miss your freedom. 
5. You will eat Cheez-Itz for dinner. 
6. You will need your village.
7. You will lose sleep. 
8. You will spend lots of money. 
9. You will never take too many pictures or videos.
10. You will never take “free time” for granted.
11.  You will cry. 
12.  You will feel trapped. 
13. You will put your needs on the backburner. 
14. You will develop a tolerance for grossness.   
15. You will learn to expect the unexpected. 
16. You will stress about what’s for dinner. 
17. You will scream at the top of your lungs.
18. You will be burned out. 
19. You will cry. 
20. You will curse at the laundry pile.
21. You will want to run away.
22. You will go without things that once made you happy. 
23. You will think you’re not doing motherhood right.
24. You will need nonjudgmental mama friends.
25. You will never be the same. 

Did I say that you will cry? To be honest, it’s utterly complicated to be a mother. Depression may kick in, loneliness may settle in your soul, and the walls may feel like they’re caving in. Don’t worry. These things make us stronger. These things make us human. These things make us mothers.

Well, raise them that way. If you don’t, they’ll turn into rude ass, entitled adults. And y’all all know one, two, three or 10 of those who you could quite frankly just punch in the throat. 

I had to teach my kids the definition of “brat” at a very early age. I use the word often when they’re acting like no one else in the world matters but them. Or when they don’t want to FaceTime their grandmother because they’re too busy watching the iPad. Or when they complain about cleaning up (when they messed the shit up in the first place.) Or when they say they want the blue bowl instead of the red bowl. Or when they don’t share. Or when they don’t say please and thank you. Or when they’re not a good sport. Or when they don’t care that they’re inconveniencing others. Or when they whine about dumb shit. Or when they snarl about getting clothes for Christmas instead of toys. Or when they don’t get what they asked for within 2 seconds of asking. Or when they can’t have what Johnny-nem have. In these situations, all I’ve had to say is, “You’re acting like a brat right now,” and they know exactly what I mean and how to fix that brat-like behavior. 

I refuse to raise children who are rude to others, unempathetic, and just downright assholes. Like who even wants to be in your presence? Don’t get me wrong, my kids will know how to stand up for themselves when needed. They won’t start no shit, but they will know just how to finish it. I will never tolerate them being a bully and won’t allow them to mistreat anyone without reason. I will call them out on their shit every.single.time. Because no one wants to put up with those types of people. Ever. 

I know. Kids will do and say bratty things, but we have to teach them. When they behave this way, use it as a moment to talk about values and kindness. Kids should feel grateful that you can do and buy things for them, not that they are entitled to them because someone else has them or because they want them.

The best advice I can give for raising nice kids is for you to model kind behavior and be a nice adult. You can’t curse the poor woman at the register because she got your order wrong, you can’t run Grandpa off the road because he’s driving under the speed limit with his hands at 10 and 2. You can’t lose your cool at sporting events. You can’t bark demands at the waitress the moment you sit down. You can’t plop your musty ass down on the airplane with no regard for who you are sharing the row with. Ok. That was petty. But, you just can’t. Because little eyes are watching and little ears are listening. And you’re their example. 

As for me and my house, we will raise grateful kids. Kids who say please and thank you, kids who show appreciation, kids who are okay with getting socks for Christmas, kids who are compassionate, kids who make a difference, kids who stand up for what’s right even when others are doing wrong, kids who are respectful, kids who clean up after themselves, kids who don’t chew like a cow when eating, kids who have values and morals, kids who are just overall good citizens. 

But please don’t take their kindness for weakness. Because they will also be taught how to stand up for themselves and how to say, “Gon’ on, ‘cause I ain’t the one.” And then throw some hands if needed- only if needed. #loversnotfighters #raisenicekids

I’ve seen several news headlines stating that child abuse cases have increased since COVID-19. We all know- kids are home, parents have turned into teachers overnight, and we are stressed. Don’t let these tough times get the best of you. 

The next few days, weeks, hell, maybe even months will definitely be challenging. It’s new for everyone. But I am urging you to not lose your marbles, Mama (and Daddy.) We will get through this. 

Life frequently throws us situations. This is one of those times. During this time, don’t overwork yourself trying to do it all. You are allowed to do what you need to do to just get by. Times right now are hard enough as it is. Don’t allow anyone on social media to dictate what you should be doing. Some parents are going overboard with crafty Pinterest activities, state of the art Science experiments and to-die-for DIY projects. If you’re too tired to do that, just hug your child. Watch a movie. Play a family board game. #dasit

Maybe during this time you’re stressed about having to teach your child through the 5,000 resources the teacher has provided. It’s too many directions, too many websites, too many activities, etc. I say to you, just breathe. Take it a day at a time. Hell, my son didn’t start on his online assignments until a few days after he was supposed to. That is how I stay sane. I refuse to overwork myself and get frustrated. 

I know you want to do your best. But right now, your best is exhausting- so much has been added to your plate. How about just do what you can- go to sleep, wake up tomorrow and do it again. At this point, it’s all about staying afloat. You shouldn’t be trying to win an award for “Parent of the Year.” As you know, I am an educator. This “online learning” has been the hardest thing for me. And if I’m feeling this way, I can only imagine how parents are feeling who don’t have an education background! Let me pause and take this moment to thank all of the professional homeschool parents for giving amazing tips and tricks on how we fake homeschool parents can cope during this time. Y’all are the real MVPs. 

I want to put some things into perspective. When a professional baseball player steps up to the bat, he sometimes swings and misses. That’s how life is right now. Your swings may be off, causing you to miss. However, the most important thing is that you don’t stop swinging. We (adults) will remember what a terrible time this has been. But think about what our kids will remember- spending more time together as a family, sleeping in, delicious home-cooked meals, game nights, being in their pajamas all day, binge-watching Frozen II, etc. Let’s make the best of these times.

Your reaction to what’s going on in the world outside of your home will make the biggest impact on your family. Don’t be anxious, don’t fear, don’t panic. Instead- love more, hug more, read your Bible more, teach more life lessons, etc. It’s not our golden hour; let’s agree to be okay with that.

Ya’ll, I am cutting up in 2020. Last week, I went out three nights (almost in a row). I was headed to go out for the fourth night, but my body just couldn’t do it. I’m old(er) now. But you know what? It felt good. One of those nights was date night, but I spent two of them hanging with my sorority sisters and best friend. It was magical. Ben and I always have date nights; thank God that we have a great family here who will watch the kids at the drop of a dime! But getting out with my girls for laughs, drinks and people watching was truly incomparable. In one year alone, I manage a girls’ outing about 2-3 times, but in 2020, I’m doing more of that. And, of course, I’m keeping date night in rotation. 

Since the year has started, I’ve also read three books. Yes, ya’ll- three damn books! I haven’t read for leisure since Quinn was born nearly seven years ago. I am so excited to start doing more of what I want to do and not letting my kids and mom-life get the best of me. 

Here are some things I plan to do more of in 2020. Will you join me?

Spend less time on social media. I can only imagine the amount of spare time I would have if I didn’t scroll through social media as much. How do you think I’ve read all them books, chile? And how do you think laundry is getting folded right out the dryer? And, hell, honestly- too much social media isn’t good for anyone’s mental well-being. It’s addicting; it triggers sadness and jealousy; it makes us delusional by thinking more friends and likes makes us better, more popular, more social. Yeah, whatever. 

Ask for help. My mom picked Demi and Max up from school yesterday. She took them to Chick-fil-A to eat and play, brought them home and bathed them. I didn’t ask her to do that, but I plan to ask for more of that. I felt so relieved and stress-free. I got to spend more time helping each child individually with an academic task- something that I’ve really been slipping on. Demi can now write her 5s the correct way. It only took 20 minutes of one-on-one practice- all while my mom was bathing Max. Thank, Mom! 

Exercise. My Peloton (bike) has been one of the best things to happen to me. I bitched at Ben for about six months for making that purchase after I told him not to, but I thank him every day. I’ve lost 30 pounds by changing my diet and being faithful on the bike.  Exercising helps my sanity; helps me feel good about myself; makes me smile when I walk past my full length mirror; makes me feel sexy naked. You don’t have to get a Peloton, Mama, but please get you some type of exercise routine.

Spend time alone. We’ve always heard that one is the loneliest number, but it’s not when it comes to mamas. I’m going to book that spa day, go shopping (hell, window shopping if I have to), try a new restaurant, etc- all by my damn self. Time away from the kids is crucial for your mental health. 

Be happy with what I have.  Stop comparing my life, my spouse, my kids, my car, my house with everyone else’s. What I have is truly a blessing!

Laugh more. “Laughter is good for the soul,” they say. I’m going to do more crying/pee in my pants laughing.

Remember that “this too shall pass.” When my happiness seems to be floating away, I will remind myself that tough times don’t last forever and that cuddling with my kids won’t either. I will always put those things in perspective. 

Get more sleep. I am so guilty of this. I am a night owl. I feel like I get more done when all the world is sleeping. But just as exercise is important, sleep is, too. I’ve set a bedtime reminder on my phone, and I’m sticking to it. 

Bedroom business. I’m always about making the bedroom boom a little more spicy. Sorry Mom, MIL and SILs if you’re reading this. How you think we got three kids? Might need to work on #4. 

Plan family fun activities. The kids got science kits and lots of hands on toys for Christmas that we have yet to open. I want more family game/craft nights, more sundae making nights, more vacations, more karaoke and dancing- you know? More of creating lifetime memories.

Leave the house-like now. I’ve already said it, but I am saying it again. I am spending more time with my girlfriends in 2020, and I ain’t really gon’ be asking for “permission.” Bye! 

Choose good enough. I am such a perfectionist, and I think everything has to be in its place, neat, and not a damn stain on it like rapper Big Tuck says. But whatever. Good enough will have to do just fine. I’m tired of stressing over perfection.

Put my oxygen mask on first. You know flight attendants always say this in their safety speeches. It’s true though. How am I to help anyone else, and I haven’t even taken care of myself first? It’s necessary, not selfish.

Slow down. “The days are long, but the years are short.” Soon enough, Ben and I will be empty nesters. I will spend more time giving 100% of myself to my family instead of giving them half of me due to unnecessary multitasking. I’m vowing to stay present in the moment.

Set realistic goals. I view lots of other moms as supermoms, but I know my limit- the moment right before I go over the edge. I’m not going there. I’ve figured out what’s important, and I’m doing just that. I’m no longer putting more on my to-do list than I can accomplish, and there won’t be any unnecessary pressure on my shoulders. 

So again, I ask. Will you join me, Mamas? It’s our year.