Category: Motherhood

When I started working as a teacher ten years ago, I didn’t have any kids nor was I married. Talk about time on my hands! I was always the first one in the building and the last one to leave. I was afforded that luxury since all I had to do was worry about myself. The education world is predominantly female, so I worked with a lot of mamas- superwoman ass mamas.  Many times I saw these women come in with their hair standing on top of their heads, coffee spilled on their shirt, and their makeup half applied. And there I stood judging them and thinking, “Did you not even look in the mirror?” “Did you even try when you got dressed this morning?” “WTF are you even wearing?” I never realized the war zone they’d just battled at home- getting children dressed, preparing lunches, side-eyeing their ‘attitudy’ teenager, signing last-minute papers for school, etc. Being a mom, let alone a working mom, is something no woman will ever understand until she becomes a mother herself. 

She’ll never understand why you have 85 of your kids’  “artwork” pieces displayed in your office. 

She’ll never understand the guilt you feel because you’re working while you forced your sick child to go to school.

She’ll never understand that when you rush out of the door at 5:00 on the dot that you’re headed to your second full time job- doing mom shit. 

She’ll never understand the peace you get when you are allowed to go to the restroom and have the door remain closed. 

She’ll never understand why you are practically peeling your eyelids open after being up with a crying baby all night.

She’ll never understand that you can’t attend happy hour with her as often as you’d like because you have to go home to cook dinner and help with homework.

She’ll never understand why you can’t come to her frequent late night party events. Doesn’t she know that your kids have schedules and bedtimes? 

She’ll never understand the struggle of balancing work and home life. WTF is that? 

She’ll never understand how you can still function with your energy gas tank on E. #momsohard

She’ll never understand auditioning for The Matrix several times a week when trying to escape a sleeping toddler’s bed. 

She’ll never understand the feeling of just cleaning the floor, and all of a sudden Dad or an older sibling gives the youngest kid crackers. Ya’ll- talk about a way to make me go crazy- like straight jacket crazy. 

She’ll never understand the pain of stepping on small toys that you’ve already asked 1,056 times to be picked up.

She’ll never understand the frustration of issuing instructions then loudly repeating those same instructions followed by threats. 

She’ll never understand the way you fantasize about being alone- for just five damn minutes. 

She’ll never understand the drama that you have to listen to every day that’s not even worth your energy. “Mom, you gave her more ice cream than me!” “He took my ball!” “She told me I’m not her brother anymore!” Just ridiculous ass drama that no mama has time for, but of course, we’re forced to have time for it. 

The bottom line is that moms are responsible for a lot of shit. Sometimes said shit is the impossible. So instead of talking about how crazy and frazzled we look, help us. Just help us.

“Feeling okay, Babe?” I hear my husband ask. I stop and consider how I should answer this question. I don’t want to sound like I’m nagging, so I lie and answer, “Feeling great!” That was far from the truth; I was tired-supa tired.

Often times we see posts blasted about self-care and how everyone needs it, but honestly, I don’t think self-care is enough- not for a mama, at least. An hour massage won’t steer away mommy worries, an uninterrupted bubble bath won’t ease our mind of the overflowing laundry, and a girls’ night out surely won’t fully recharge our batteries. The truth of the matter is that we’ll always probably feel this way. Why? Because society has created this culture-induced stigma that mamas should do it all. Hence, we are supa tired. 

We are supa tired of reading about how we are a bad mom if we don’t buy all-natural products for our kids and our household. 

We are supa tired of browsing social media and being left with the feeling that we aren’t doing enough. 

We are supa tired because we had to return to work  12 weeks after having a baby. And to be honest, hell, most of us didn’t even get that.

We are supa tired of others’ mom-shaming comments about how “breast is best” when they see us giving our baby formula. I just really want to scream, “Bih, it doesn’t even matter. The baby is eating, right?!”

We are supa tired because every time we walk past a mirror, we are reminded of the baby weight we have yet to lose.  Mamas want to look like IG models, too!

We are supa tired because we have learned to give to everyone else and yet leave nothing for ourselves. 

We are supa tired of family members constantly chiming in and giving advice on how to raise OUR kids. This ain’t 1978, people. Times have changed.

We are supa tired because we are thinking about the ever-growing to-do list. Can somebody say, “Preach Sista Smith?!”

We are supa tired because we’ve read the studies about how too much screen time can harm our children, but dammit, how else are we going to prepare a decent dinner? 

We are supa tired of trying to figure out how to be a mom and a sexy wife at the same damn time.  Has anyone figured that out yet?

The list goes on, but mamas, I hope that you understand that you’re not doing anything wrong. Mom life is quite frankly just tough. The important thing that you should realize is that it’s ok to ask for help. Be honest about how you feel. Don’t continue to buy into the idea that you have to be the “perfect'” wife and mother. Keep your head high, and let your guard down a little, Mama. You’re worth your sanity.