Mean Mom

Today is the day that I will admit to the world that I’m a mean mom. There, I said it. Does that shock you? Eh, maybe. Sometimes I sit and reflect about how crappy of a mom I was that day, that week, or hell, just five minutes ago. Sometimes I’m in tears talking to my husband about how shitty I’ve made the kids feel after scolding them about something. He always assures me that it’s okay and that the kids love me just the same- if not more. On days when I am feeling like the world’s worst mom, I comfort myself with subtle reassurances that tomorrow is a new day; I’ll get a fresh start. Sometimes, I nail the day, but unfortunately, sometimes the day nails me. 

I know that I need to exercise more patience, stop the excessive yelling, and just simply let my kids be kids- even if it entails putting each other in a chokehold, jumping from the top bunk bed, or having a real life WWE match right in the middle of the living room. But I just can’t, y’all. There are things that I’m just flat out mean about, and I won’t break or bend on these things. 

1. They have to clean up. It’s just that simple. I didn’t make the mess, so I WILL NOT be cleaning it up. I’m sorry that you can’t go outside or move on to the next activity if you haven’t cleaned up. I’m sorry if you’re in the middle of playing Roblox, but please come get these shoes and clothes that you left in the middle of the floor and place them where they need to go. Everything in my house has its place, and my kids know that everything must be in its place. Oh, and I’m not paying you to clean up. That’s your job. Period.

2. If I say you have one more chance to mess up, that’s it. You have one more chance. I’ve been so guilty of saying that the kids will have consequences if they do this or that, but I actually won’t follow through with the consequence. Case in point- don’t we always tell our kids that we are going to take their TV privileges or devices away if they do such and such one more time? How long does that last? I typically give in about day 2, ‘cause honestly, I just need some peace when I’m cooking, so hell, here’s the iPad. Not anymore. When I say you have one more chance, that’s it. You will get the consequence that’s promised to you. If you do the crime, you do the time. It’s simple. Following through is important for kids. They need to know what the boundaries are and that there are consequences for overstepping them. 

3. My kitchen is not a restaurant, so you will eat what I cook. If you don’t like broccoli, then pick it out or eat around it. If you don’t want to eat the bell peppers that I used to help season what’s on the menu, then don’t. If the meal is really just not to your liking, I’ll make you a sandwich or you can have a lunchable. I enjoy cooking but not enough to make everyone’s meals made to order. You’ve heard it before. This ain’t Burger King, Boo. 

4. I like playing with my kids, but I am not always going to play with them when they want me to. That sounds pretty mean, huh? Don’t get me wrong, we love doing fun activities, being crafty, filming crazy videos, etc. but sometimes I just don’t want to play, so I say no. And that’s okay. I want my kids to understand that while most of my life revolves around them, I am not catering to them 100% of the time. I still need time to AND for myself. Everyone, even them, is allowed to have boundaries. They need to know that I sometimes need a break, and they should respect that- just as anyone should respect them when they’re not feeling up for playing.  

5. They have to take responsibility for their actions. Playing in the house after I told you not to, and now something is broken? That’s okay. You will use your money to replace it (or have some type of consequence if said item is too expensive for them to replace).  If you forget your homework once, fine. I’ll bring it. But good luck next time; you’ll just have to get those points deducted. True story, y’all- Quinn forgot his lunch kit in the car for the second time in one week; he literally cried because he knew I wasn’t going to bring it to him. He even had the receptionist call me to ask. Nope. Sorry, Buddy. He didn’t die, but he probably thought he was going to since he had to eat school lunch. Oh well. 

So, there you have it, World. All of my mean-mom tendencies have been laid out. I understand why my mom was the way she was, and I hope my kids will one day understand that my meanness and discipline is all love. I’m training them up to be responsible and decent humans. This mean-mom badge is worn happily with a smile, ‘cause these kids gon’ learn today. Actually- they gon’ learn for life.