My Ugly But Honest Truth

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have kids. There- I said it, and I probably shouldn’t have, but it’s how I feel sometimes. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “But there’s so many women out there who can’t have kids- women who are paying thousands of dollars for IVF. What about the women who lost their child during childbirth? How ungrateful is she to say she wishes she didn’t have kids?” I understand all of this, guys, I do. But the truth of the matter is that having kids is the hardest job anyone could ever have. And guess what? There ain’t a training to take or a book to read to prepare you for this 24/7, on-call job. 

I love my kids, I do, but I honestly don’t know what I enjoy doing anymore. I don’t even have the time to do what I love. Because- you know? Kids. I miss who I was before them. I miss being able to take a nap. I miss being able to just sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. I miss going out with my friends whenever they call at the last minute about an event. I miss going to the grocery store by myself. I miss reading. I miss not cooking and deciding that I’m having cereal for dinner. I miss having a clean house at all times. I miss spontaneous trips and random date nights with my husband. I miss my space. 

I know I’ve said it, but I want to be clear. I love my kids; I don’t wish to give them up for adoption or wish that they’d magically disappear, but I’m tired. It’s the same routine day in and day out. It feels like my life doesn’t belong to me anymore. My life is my kids’ life; their life is mine, and quite frankly, I’m drained. 

At this point, I feel like I should write a dissertation about how much I love my kids, so you won’t think I resent them. It’s important to know that you can still love your kids and feel this way. If you’re a mom, you’ve been there and you know what it is- even if you’re too afraid to admit it.