The Perception of the Perfect Wife

Before even tying the knot, I had a pretty good idea of what it meant to be a “perfect wife.” I was ready to make that image a reality the moment I said, “I do.” I knew I was “supposed to” have a home cooked meal ready every day, a spotless home, wear lingerie frequently, spice up the bedroom with costumes occasionally, plan monthly “never done before” date nights, and a whole list of other “perfect wife expectations.” I was ready!

For the first few years of marriage, I did just that. I was the “perfect wife.” The kitchen always smelled of new recipes, the house was white glove test approved, date night was always unpredictable, and the bedroom was oh-so-spicy. Even though we’d had Quinn, I was still able to manage all of this. It wasn’t until Demi came around that I began to feel like a failure- well, compared to the first few years. I want to put the disclaimer out there that Ben never made me feel this way; he was always happy with whatever. It was ME who made MYSELF feel like I’d dropped the ball on wife life. Why? Because I wasn’t able to keep up what I’d started. I was working full-time, being a full-time wife and 24-hour mom to two kids. That shit was hard! The house was a mess, hot dinners became a thing of the past, date nights were few and far in between, and my sex drive kerplunked. I was #tiredasamotha. I began to think about how dedicated I was prior to this and desired to be better. But at the same time, I tried to remind myself that those hot meals, the spotless home, date nights, etc. did not, at all, determine my value as a wife. 

Now nearly ten years into my marriage, I’ve realized that there’s so much more to being a good wife than cleaning, cooking and date nights. I’ve realized that I can make a bigger difference in my marriage by prioritizing a few other things. Because after all, having a clean house and slaving in the kitchen stressed me tf out. And, let’s be honest, no one wants to put up with a stressed out wife.

I’ve learned to spend more time doing the following, which, in return, have made me a “perfect wife.” 

-asking my husband how his day was

-letting him know he’s loved and appreciated

-listening to him

-lowering expectations for myself

-asking my husband how I can help him and take a load off of his plate

-making time for him (This is hard with kids, but it’s a MUST.)

-talking through things with him when something is bothering me (I used to expect him to read my mind, and of course, that never ended well.)

-showing concern for him when something is bothering him

-doing random acts of kindness

-taking care of and noticing his needs

Reflecting on all of this, I could have saved so much time, energy and stress if I’d realized what truly mattered all along. I was so honed in on being the “perfect wife” that I was focused on the wrong things. Don’t get me wrong, those things were appreciated, but they just weren’t the most important. To be honest, they stood in the way of what was really important in my marriage. So, Sis, forget that load of laundry and those dishes in the sink tonight, and give “husbae” a little extra- a little more of you.